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There's nothing scarier than people your age doing better than you
"I saw that someone gifted your baby a pair of itty bitty Converse. Your baby doesn't even listen to The Strokes so I don't know why they did that."
"Attention whores come and go but your status as a former gifted kid is forever."
"If I can't stand at the most inconvenient location, I will die."
"Anything for a friend."
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